The End
by Daelda
Summary: Follows Revan through the end of KotOR and the revelations that come after.


"Carth – you made it!" the admiral's voice came across the wire. A grin of relief spread across my face, mirrored by everyone else in my party. Somehow Carth had managed to get us beyond the blast radius.

"We couldn't let you start the victory party without us, Admiral!"

"Carth – I want you to know that I'm sending a guard your way to escort the Ebon Hawk back with us. It's nothing personal – most of you will probably be released on landing. It's precautionary. I need to know, did Revan make it out?"

"Yes, I've got her."

"And what of Malak and Bastila? Is it possible that they escaped?"

Bastila cringed in the back of the room, but said nothing. Sorrow and shame were evident on her face.

Carth leaned in to the comm again. "Aleya took care of Malak before we left. Bastila…" he cast a hesitant glance her way. "She's with us. And she's feeling very apologetic, so I'd cut her some slack."

A profanity cracked quietly through the wire. "Bastila is aboard? You can't be serious, Carth. You have no idea the situation you've put me in."

"Admiral, Aleya wouldn't have brought her if she wasn't sure."

Carth couldn't see it. "They don't trust me," I hissed, turning to pace the small space "After all of this, they're still afraid of me."

"You've lost perspective, Soldier. There are highly volatile forces aboard your ship and you have got to remember that. The Jedi Council and the Republic have to ensure that the war is over."

Disbelief flooded Carth's tone. "Aleya just killed _the_ Dark Lord for you, and you still won't consider her an ally? She risked her life back there for this cause! She damn-well deserves your gratitude, not your suspicion! I won't let you throw her in a cell after all of this!"

I laid a warning hand on his shoulder as the Admiral's dry tone came through. "I suggest you don't say anything you'll regret, soldier. You may be right about _Revan_ and Bastila, but we have to be careful all the same."

My fingers dug into Carth's shoulder as I leaned forward in his stead. "I will comply with your wishes, Admiral. We are on the same side here."

Standing beside all of my companions in front of the massive crowds gathered for the celebration, I felt oddly hollow. Yes, I was the officially the guest of honor, but I estimated most had gathered in disbelief and wonder. Not even bringing Malak's ruin in the name of the Republic could make me a hero. What it made me was a spectacle – an unstable anomaly. Warily the Republic would thank me – perhaps throw me a nice reward in an attempt to sway me toward loyalty, but of course my loyalty already belonged to them. They just wouldn't take my word for it. Nearly a week in "questioning" couldn't convince them I had acted on anything other than revenge against my former student. If only I could have replayed his final moments for them, they might have understood.

A cheer rose up from the audience as Admiral Dodonna stepped forward to address us. "You have defeated Malak, destroyed the Star Forge, and broken the spirit of the Sith!" she said with false cheer. "For this I am proud to present you each with the Cross of Glory – the highest honor the Republic can bestow. From Coruscant to the farthest reaches of the Outer Rim, you will be known as the saviors of the Republic!"

In perfect sync, ten officers came forward amid wild cheering and settled medallions around our necks. When I looked back to Dodonna, Master Vandar had replaced her, his short stature ironically an even stronger presence.

"On behalf of the Jedi Council," he said, "defenders of the galaxy and sworn protectors of the Republic – I too would like to honor you for your actions. We Jedi now have another tale to weave into the grand history of our eternal order – the Redemption of Revan – the Prodigal Knight.

"Wherever you go you will be recognized as the saviors of the galaxy. The heroes of our age. But you must remain ever vigilant, for one day you may be called upon yet again to defend the glory of the Republic against the tyranny of the dark side. This is the destiny of the Jedi."

"Try not to take it personally," Carth advised as we made our way into the small apartment I'd been assigned. "There's no use in being offended. We just have to do with it what we can."

I slipped off the medallion and cast it on the table thoughtlessly. Once I had a permanent residence, I would probably hang it on a wall somewhere, but it didn't hold any meaning for me. I crossed my arms and went across the room to the opposite wall. It was made of nearly all windows and looked down over the planet's metropolis.

"It's not that…" I said quietly. He dropped his formal gear and medallion next to mine and came to join me.

"Then what?" he asked softly. The usual cut to his voice was comforting.

I hesitated, unsure myself. Finally, I said, "I just never thought about what would happen afterward. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I did anything other than drive master plans to rule the galaxy and try to thwart them? It's kind of my life's story." Carth's lip quirked in amusement, but he said nothing, so I continued. "I don't know how to go back and be just a Jedi and the council knows it. Master Vandar wants to believe me – he can feel the light in me, but he says Revan was a master manipulator. She could block them from seeing her true self. And even if I'm not the old Revan, I'm nothing like a good Jedi."

"Are you crazy?" he asked, moving closer and pulling me into his arms. "You're one of the best damn Jedi I've ever seen. They really have complaints?"

I shrugged. "Well for one thing I know my own power and I can control the dark side of the force. And then there's the problem with _feeling_."

"Feeling?" he laughed incredulously. "What does that even mean?"

"Jedi are supposed to be tranquil. When they run at the extremities of emotion they become vulnerable to the dark side; at least that's how the council sees it. I wasn't supposed to be a Jedi again after what they did to me. I'm tainted because I acted on my own feelings – spent years doing it. Even now, the camaraderie I have for my companions – the way I feel about them – it pushes the line."

His fingers traced the line of my collarbone unthinkingly. "The Jedi really have a problem with that?"

"Mhmm…" In trying to avoid the effect of his calloused fingertips I accidently met his gaze, "_That_ they would tolerate. But you and I… It's a whole different issue."

"What, you don't treat the rest of the crew like this?" he tossed out sarcastically.

I gave him a half-hearted slug in the arm and rolled my eyes. "Maybe I do, and you just don't know it."

A rueful grin lit his features. "I don't know… _talk_ is easy." The point wasn't lost on me and my eyes fell to his lips. I had only tasted them twice in the midst of our adventure and we'd been separated since. There was a certain gravitational pull to him that I kept finding myself drawn by.

"Maybe, but I don't share my quarters with just anyone."

"_We've _never shared quarters. But now that you mention it, you did usually sleep in the same room as Bastila, Juhani, _and_ Mission. Are you trying to tell me there's something there?"

I rolled my eyes and pushed myself away from him, moving over to the sink so I could get a glass of water. "My point is that they're going to ask me to turn in my lightsaber."

"What's the point of that? You're just as useful with something else."

"It's not about that. I forget you don't have as much experience with Jedi as I do. Taking the actual lightsaber isn't the point. I could always build another if I wanted. It's a symbol of my resignation from the Jedi order – peacefully.

." and they'll watch me forever. You too, because they know you're connected to me. We won't be trusted with anything."

"Come on, would you just tell me what's bothering you? I hate being on the outside with you – you know that."

I studied his face hard, trying to judge how much faith he really had in me. "You won't like it." I confessed, afraid that if I said more, he'd turn around and walk right out that door and never come back.

"I don't doubt that. Hell, anything that gets this kind of response from you is going to be something I _really_ don't like, but at least I can be there for you that way. I'm flying blind here, Ley."

I hesitated, but the look on his face told me this was going to end badly either way. And he knew me better than anyone else in the galaxy. He should be able to see that it didn't pose any risk to him, to me – to us.

"I can remember." I murmured. I watched his frame stiffen from across the room. "I remember being _her_… It's coming back."

He shifted uncomfortably, alarm now evident in his face. "How much? All of it? Or just in fragments? Why now?"

"I think I've had it all along. Well, since the Star Forge at least. Maybe being there opened it back up – I don't know. It's all there though."

"You remember everything?"

"Well, no. Let me explain." I sat down on the window sill and coaxed him a little closer, despite his obvious wariness.

"This morning I was thinking about that first vision –the one about fighting Bastila and my capture, remember?" He nodded, skeptical. "It was clearer than before. Not like a memory of a dream; like _the_ memory. Once I realized, I started prodding around, but I didn't have to, because when I thought about it, I knew exactly why I was on that bridge – everything from the battle that put me there. I can tell you exactly how I was going to kill Bastila before Malak attacked. I can tell you how Malak got that ship in the first place. The lightsaber I was carrying. The reason for the mask. Every detail relevant to that memory. And it doesn't stop there. After that I thought about Manaan and the other planets I had visions of. It's the same for every single one - even bringing Malak to the tomb on Dantooine."

"You had a vision about Dantooine too? Or was that a bonus?" I would have laughed a little, but for the wide-eyed way he was staring at me.

"Yes, before you were in the loop. Bastila and I both did. Don't get your hopes up though. There _is_ a bonus. When I was thinking about that… I was curious why I wanted to show Malak in the first place. So I started thinking about my first visit – something I've never had a dream about – and I remembered."

The wheels were turning fast in Carth's head. "So what you're saying is…?" He stumbled.

"I can use memories to access other memories. Everything's there. I've just forgotten the pathways. I have to link them together, but it's all there."

Carth let out a breath of complete exasperation, and then turned to me as a thought struck him. "Do you remember Telos at all?" He asked earnestly.

A little part of me quailed at the idea. "No, I think I'd have to follow a chain of memories all the way through the Mandalorian Wars to get there."

"Are you going to try? To remember it all, I mean?"

That thought hadn't occurred to me. The idea of connecting Revan to myself wasn't something that was particularly pleasant, but at the same time I wanted to know how I had fallen. Even in the early memories I could feel the pride I had – the sense of superiority I saw so many times in Bastila throughout our travels.

"I think I should." I finally relented.

"Don't you think it might be dangerous? Reliving all that... It would change you. Don't get me wrong, you're the strongest person I know, but still…"

"It's not really _reliving_. It's not like I'm experiencing it all over again. I'm still me, here in this apartment, but I have a chance to look back on the events of my life and see what happened to me, to the galaxy."

"And understand Revan's rationale, which sounds like a dangerous thing."

"I'm not her anymore, Carth. Even at the beginning – what I remember from Dantooine – I was nothing like I am now. I was the most talented, the most ambitious of my companions and I was so, so arrogant. I have an opportunity to see where Revan fell –where_ I_ fell– and try to prevent other Jedi from making the same mistakes. Even more than that, I can uncover information that will aid in the recovery efforts for planets _like_ Telos. I'm not saying I want to, but I think I need to. If I'm ever going to really redeem myself, I need to do this." I said, holding his gaze as he searched my face.

"I trust you," he relented, slowly coming to sit beside me and put me at ease. "You know I trust you. You defended yourself against the dark side in that Star Forge temple and again against Bastila and Malak, but do you really think you can handle this?"

"I won't fall again, if that's what you mean. There's nothing I'm more cautious about." I let out a long breath before continuing. "What I don't know about is seeing the all of the destruction I inflicted. I'm one person, but look at the havoc I wrecked on this galaxy… If I start doing this, there won't be any going back – no forgetting it again. I'm going to have to live with it. Every detail."

Carth's hand closed over mine. "That's what _I'm_ here for. If you're sure about this, I want to be here with you every step of the way."

I shook my head in admiration. All this from the man who slept in armor when he first met me. "How did we get here?" I smiled. "On Taris I was just a raw recruit and all you did was keep an eye on me. And yet here we are – sleeping in the same bed, you knowing I'm the infamous 'Lord of the Sith'. I certainly didn't see it coming."

He scoffed. "I was lucky to be on the Endar Spire. _You_ are not exactly the dark lord. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met – hands down. And you know I love you, right?"

"I never fell…" I ground my fingers against my temples despite Carth's protests. "I see it all now! The reasoning, all of it! I thought I had to – thought it was sacrifice!


End file.
